It's too big, it's too wide, it's too strong

We are manipulated most by our worst enemies. Everyone has one. A worst enemy is not limited to a person or even something tangible. It could be a person, place, thing, emotion, feeling, or desire. Some of my worst enemies include the things I cannot control, or at least what I believe to be out of my control. I justify these things by telling myself I can't control them, when really I can. Although everyone's worst enemies are specific to them, there is one I believe we all share. 

Our Ego. A person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Whether you're ego is way to big or way too small, it acts as your worst enemy by manipulating you. This goes along with the theme that we are our own worst enemies and I agree we are manipulated by our friends, family, environment and the media. However, the people, things, and ideas we surround ourselves with are a direct representation of how we view ourselves, or how we want to view ourselves...

Social media gives us the power to express how we are feeling, show the world what we ate for lunch and even keep in contact with long lost friends through posting on their wall. Yes these social medias keep us all connected but connected on what level.

I personally believe texting and Facebook chat have manipulated the emotions of individuals. It really annoys me when I am having a conversation with someone and they don't understand my tone or the sarcasm of what I am trying to say. It creates so much tension and then it needs to be explained what exactly I meant by what I said.

Also these new forms of conversation have manipulated the way we have a conversation. People don't spell out words all the way because it is more convenient. "LOL" "BRB" "TTYL" all have changed the way we communicate with someone. Imagine talking to your significant other and they respond with "ILY" instead of spelling out the words "I love you." It just amazes me how technology can change the way one speaks, even in real life conversations. I know I have the habit of responding to some people by using this new lingo. I will say kk instead of saying okay to someone.

It is amazing how easy manipulation occurs in the real world. This was only one small piece of a much larger picture.

The Paradoxical Manipulation of Social Media

When I think of manipulation, only one recurring “thing” comes into my mind: Social Media.  Now I love Facebook, Twitter, and the likes of them and I use them every day, but something needs to be said about the convenience of manipulation that is brought about by their existence.

A “chat” on Facebook and a “chat” in real life are two completely separate definitions of the word. In a face-to-face conversation, you cannot ‘control’ what is being said; it takes place in real time; there is a flow. Texting, posting and emailing allow us to present the self as we want it to be. We can edit; do and redo, all in an effort to show off what we want to show and hide what we don’t want to show. We can delete and we can add. We can manipulate ourselves into being someone that we truly are not. When you pull up my profile on Facebook.com, you see a John McGonigle from Atlanta Georgia who went to The Westminster Schools and was born in May of 1994. But is that true? You might know that it is because you know me. Someone that finds me and decides they want to add me as a friend only because my last name resembles, to some degree, the Professor in Harry Potter might not. But, none-the-less they assume that everything they read IS true because I have presented it to them as such. Regardless of veracity, I have spent hours on hours perfecting my profile, picking the photos in which I look the best and the phrasing and (order of) words in a message; All of which I do in an attempt to present a desirable image of who I am. It is done, honestly, to manipulate you and others into believing what I want you to believe – which in this case just happens to be the truth. Technology changes who we are, because we, the users of technology, have figured out that we can reinvent ourselves.

This idea is best summarized by: “I share therefore I am”

Now assuming all this is true and that social media indeed shapes who we are, this idea calls into question one vital paradox. Who then is really holding all the power, you or Social Media?

Life is a Highway...with 100 miles and limited exits

I feel manipulated by class registration. The stresses that enter my life around registration time are due to the overwhelming external pressure I feel. We are supposed to feel empowered by an open curriculum and the power to type and submit whatever classes we want, but is this really the case?  We all go to college with the illusion that you are choosing your destiny....but you cannot support yourself comfortably without a college degree. You can be anything you want to be!...but now pick from one of x majors. Take any class you want!...that fulfill your major requirements. There is no core curriculum!....now take three writing intensive classes and a QSR. These "buts" are endless. So I guess class registration is just a small part of my feeling manipulated in these cookie cutter life paths we all choose. How am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life for the next 40 years when I've only lived 19 and they have all been planned? I don't know what I want to major in or what career path I would like to take and everyone says thats okay!...but make sure you declare by sophomore spring!

Miss Malleability

            Let me start off by saying that my friends call me “malleable.” While this is not the most endearing label, I would have to agree that I am a person who is easily manipulated. However, I think there is a difference between being blindly manipulated and knowing that you are being manipulated. I don’t go off agreeing to do whatever my friends tell me to do. This is not the case at all. I realize when my friends are pushing me to do things that I wouldn’t willingly do on my own.  I am aware of their motives and I appreciate that I am constantly being pushed outside my comfort zone. They persuade me to try new activities, think in different ways, and open myself up more. 

            When we hear the term manipulation, we automatically attach a negative connotation to it. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Who better to manipulate you than your best friends? As some of the closest people to you in your life, they have the power to influence you in the best of ways—and possibly the worst. You just have to be smart enough to know when to let yourself be manipulated. I know personally that my friends influence me to be more open, adventurous, and relaxed. They say all the right things so that they can get me to do the things I want to do, but am too scared to do. My friends are the ones who make me share my feelings, because they know if they don’t prod me into doing so, I’ll just bottle all my emotions up.  And they’re the ones who will stop me from studying and convince me to go rock climbing or go running in the Glen instead because they know I need to relax.  They manipulate me because they know they can bring out the best in me.

            And besides, what’s so wrong with manipulation if you are completely and totally aware of it? I can think for myself, but I also need manipulation in my life.  Why can’t these 2 concepts coexist?

College: The Best Years of Our Lives

We, as college students, are exemplifying one of the most prominent manipulations in our society, which is the expectation to go to college. I don't want to generalize, but I'm sure many of the students at Hamilton today never doubted that they were going to college. It could be just that they knew they had the grades and motivation to continue their education after high school, or it could be expected from their family. I am one of these individuals; I was fortunate enough to never have any doubt whether I was going to college or not. For a while I didn't know where I wanted to go or where I could go, but the thought of not going never crossed my mind. I think this is because many of us have been taught, or essentially manipulated, from a young age that going to college is the next step to becoming successful.

In high school, teachers talked about grades and classes required for college. First it was get good grades in middle and early high school to get into better classes, then get good grades in those classes to get into good colleges. Now that we're at college, for some there is still that pressure for good grades to get into a good graduate school. I think manipulation generally has a negative connotation with it. By saying the expectation to go to college is manipulation, I don't mean that college is a bad thing. I do not regret my decision to come to college at all. I couldn't imagine doing anything else after high school, or being anywhere besides Hamilton. So in most cases, I think the manipulation to go to college is not harmful by any means, because it really can make a significant difference in someone's life, but I know college is not for everyone.

Technology

We live in a time when we can be in constant contact with our friends and family. Even if we are not physically with them, we can talk to them. However, while this has changed our world for the better, we are constantly being manipulated by those around us and by ourselves to stay updated. We check our email, Facebook, text messages, etc all the time. Why? Because we have to? Sometimes the answer is yes, we absolutely have to be updated and be in touch with those around us. But do we really need to check social media every 10 minutes? Do we really need to be texting our friends every single detail of our daily lives? We have become accustomed to this lifestyle, but when we want to break away from it, we are manipulated to stay connected. Your friend asks you if you saw “that picture on Facebook” and if you did not, you must either go look or never be up to date with what has happened in the last 30 minutes. While it sounds ridiculous, this is what our generation has grown accustomed to, and we are manipulated by our friends and by ourselves into thinking that we must know every detail of our friends lives, even if it does not impact us at all. You could say no and stop checking social media, but you will always be pulled back to it in order to stay connected. I find myself wanting to put my phone away sometimes so I do not have to be texting people all day, but I know that I could miss something truly important and I do not want to offend anyone. This manipulation is subtle and at times does not seem like manipulation because we want to be in close touch and up to date, but we could not stop if we tried because we are manipulated, and we manipulate ourselves.

Is this external?

Amelia’s extremely well-written blog post about self-manipulation and trying to reach her fullest potential reminded me about how at college, I have tried to be the best version of myself as well.  It also reminded me about how over spring break, I felt I had reverted back into the less confident and unstable version of myself that I thought I had left behind in high school.  

As I talk to my friends from Chicago about this coming summer, and how much fun we are going to have, I feel a wave of doubt wash over me.  I worry that the source of my manipulation is going to come from my home and my high school peers.  I worry that instead of acting with more vulnerability and honesty, in the manner that I have been practicing at college and have slowly improved at, I will be manipulated to once again hide parts of my personality and passions in order to be who I used to be.  I seem to feel the manipulation to be the more insecure yet more comfortable version of myself to be coming from external forces, when in reality, as Amelia brought my attention to, it is really coming from me.   

I've got the power

I've thought long and hard about what I would write about in this week's blog. I've gone back and forth about what personal things I'm willing to disclose about myself, and which things I would rather no one ever knew. The truth is, there are far too many sources of manipulation in each of our lives to count, whether we realize it or not. My dilemma is that these influences have sent me to places I hope never to go back to. After contemplating what these issues might all have in common, I have come to the conclusion that I am my own worst enemy. The one source of manipulation in my life to which nothing else compares is my own self-critic. I am constantly thinking about how to reach my full potential. I am always searching for that moment where everything feels like it's fallen into place - the perfect balance. There is a constant desire for being physically, emotionally, academically, and socially stable. Whenever some of these things are going well and not others, I feel that void much stronger than anything else. As much as I am well aware that there is no such thing as perfection, there is such a thing in my mind as the best possible version of myself, which somehow feels more attainable. I sometimes wonder if what I am doing is a waste of time, or if I'm doing myself a disservice when making some decision or another. That is precisely what is holding me back.

Researching Manipulation

After Janelle gave us our specialized blog post assignment, I was on the lookout for manipulation in my life. I thought manipulation would be rare, something people only used “as a last resort”. However, this notion was completely obliterated after only paying attention for a few days. Even though my experiences with manipulation were vast, I will focus in on one that particularly annoys me:

            For my biochemistry class, each student conducts a three-week independent lab study using the techniques we have learned throughout the semester. Right before Spring Break, my professor told the class to start to think about which topics we would like to research for our projects. When we returned from break, my teacher spoke to us again about the research, but this time with a completely different tune. He said that if our ideas were too grandiose, he would shoot the project down. Even though I was a little mad that my professor made it seem like we could conduct whatever research we wanted, that was obviously not true. However, I understood that there were time constraints, and that this point probably would help us rather than hinder us. As my teacher continued to talk, he gave as a few ideas that were “good topics” that would be more practical to research. The one that he pushed the most was one of his research projects for the past few years. I feel as though my professor manipulated the class into thinking that his project was a good project so we could advance his research, rather than explore a topic that truly interested us.

Don't take that step

The pretext of House of Danger warns the reader what the book has in store. At this exact moment I have not passed that page. One page; a single page, spoke to me. It tells you that the book is about choice and what happens when you chose a specific path, whether it be the right one or the wrong one. You determine how the story is going to end based on which path you choose.

Life is the bigger picture of Montgomery's book. We chose our path based on our desires, wants, and goals in life. There are times when people chose to go the longer way to work because it is a nice day out. On this new path they run into a random stranger, this stranger ends up being the head of a company you would kill to work for. You chat and they end up wanting to talk to you again about maybe working for them next year. Was it fate that brought you two together? Was going to long way in your destiny? Yes, the decision was yours but what was their decision that day? So many different ideas could answer all these questions but does it matter?

This blog post is more to have the reader figure out what they believe in. I personally believe in some strange way our lives are mapped out, that we were destined to take a specific path, even if we feel like we are choosing it.

Advice?

This blog is quite different than my other ones. I am hoping that you might comment with some advice. Today in class we heard that Meredyth's dilemma regarding undeserved A's. I hope to address a different sort of dilemma. In the past, I've understood material very well and enjoyed learning it, but have received poor grades on assessments. In particular, I remember doing poorly in physics on two tests in junior year, even though I enjoyed and understood the material. I understood my mistakes well after getting the test back. The dilemma - although I enjoyed learning the physics, I came out of the experience with a bitter taste in my mouth. What would be a beneficial way of approaching these situations? It's difficult to appreciate the learning experience when it seemingly has not payed off. I understand that I should attempt to look past the grades, but this is extremely difficult considering how I have been conditioned to approach them. Thanks in advance for any responses!

Individualism

      Reading Aura, it was really interesting to have my actions dictated to me by the book, but the other interesting part was the fact that I felt like I could associate with the author. This got me wondering about how individual we all are. The reason wondered this is because a majority of students here come from well off families in nice, quiet suburbs, and as far as I've seen, from person to person their experiences are by and far very similar. I don't mean to generalize a whole section of the school's population, but what I mean to say is that most of these students worked hard throughout high school, participated in activities such as sports, musical ensembles and student government. Yet throughout high school, I distinctly remember being told and taught that I am an individual; that my experiences are my own and that each person has different experiences. However as I meet more people, I realize that while the individual memories may be different, in general alot of the basic experiences are the same.
      This long and potentially offensive introduction brings me to this point. In terms of social ideas, I feel like a lot of Hamilton Students, conservative and liberal alike, have some similar ideas, however rather than building off of each others common ground, I see each side branding the other side saying that "my" view is correct. This alienation has manifested one side calling the other side a bunch of "radicals" and the other side calling the first side "close-minded bigots". I believe that the Anthem like rise of the "I am an individual" over the "We know each others experiences" has built up this divide which has clearly presented itself with the conflict between Hamilton Conservatives and "The Movement".

You are reading this title

When I read the first few pages of Aura, I was very uncomfortable and disconcerted by the narration of the story.  Fuentes narrates the story with the pronoun "you", as though the reader is the main character.  I couldn't stand ready the story this way at first, and refrained from aligning myself with the main character.  In part this is because the main character is a guy, but as well I found the difficulty in accepting the obscurity of Fuentes writing.  I am so used to reading books as an outsider, looking in and analyzing the material unbiasedly.  Fuentes challenges this method of writing.  After reading a good chunk of the book I began to accept the alignment of myself and the reader, and felt as though Fuentes was talking directly to me.  This brought a new sense of understanding and point of view that I had never really experienced in reading before.  My acceptance of the "you" was gradual and done so some what subconsciously.  Fuentes refers to the reader as the main character so often that eventually I was believing that I am a historian, I do work for an old woman in a dark house, and I am in love with Aura.

Literary Inception

From the very beginning, I was fascinated by Aura and particularly by Fuentes' use of the second person point of view. Now, having finished the novel, the function of the second person POV is clear. It's all about a lack of control. By narrating the story in the second person, our understanding of the entire novel is coming from an anonymous source. Everything we come to understand about the world of Fuentes' novel comes directly and unconditionally from the narrator. We readers are therefore transformed into puppets, even slaves to the storyteller and the story itself, trapped within a prison of paper and ink.

While our dependence on the narrator remains constant throughout the novel, I believe it bears a greater commentary of our function in relation to Fuentes as a storyteller. We find a similar dependence between Aura and Consuelo, both of which acting "as if the will of one [depends] on the existence of the other…"(119). Likewise, we as readers and our will to read are dependent upon the existence of Fuentes and his novel. Based on this parallel, it is only logical that the function of Aura with respect to Consuelo will reflect our function as readers of the story of Fuentes. Ultimately, we discover that Aura is merely a nostalgic reliving of Consuelo's youth, the remembering and reliving of "the memory of youth, of youth re-embodied, [that] rules the darkness"(145). Aura is the reflection of Consuelo's younger self, and we apparently play the role of General Llorentes in the nostalgic reliving of Aura and Llorentes' love. Therefore, we observe a structure of characters within characters, where the actions of Aura and General Llorentes (the reader) occur within the memory and mind of Señora Consuelo.

However, this structure is not yet complete. While Aura and General Llorentes exist within the mind of Sra. Consuelo, Sra. Consuelo equally exists within the mind of Fuentes. By this logic, we readers therefore play an intricate role within the mind of Fuentes as well. What results from our ability to experience this story from the inside out rather from the outside in? I'm a little confused on this part and I've wracked my brain for too long already since I'm already late posting this. I'm hoping my logic pans out in our discussion in class tomorrow so that I can understand this extra level of the novel a little better.

Challenging Norms

As I began to read "Aura", I was at first disconcerted by the page layout - I've never just read one side of the book.  It was so odd to me to ignore the entire left side.  I found myself occasionally checking back to make sure I didn't miss anything, just to find that it was a jumble of letters and accents way too complex for my high school spanish knowledge to decipher.
It may be a bit of a stretch, but for me, this was a simple and tangible parallel to a lot of the material that we have discussed in class.  The authors we have read challenge the norm for how to tell a story, Timothy Treadwell challenges our conception of life values, and Brendan Leonard (in the vimeo video "35") challenges us to make dreams come true on a Tuesday.
This class has taught me to step back and challenge what I consider to be 'normal'.  I've challenged myself to reconsider what I think a book should be and how a story should be told, while simultaneously challenging my own conceptions of what society says I should be.

The Effect of Misrepresentation

After watching an incredible victory by the UConn Huskies over the Kentucky Wildcats in the NCAA championship, I have begun to settle down to the point where I believe I can write my blog post. Obviously basketball will be involved because I'm trying to challenge the "norms" of the class. UConn was not expected to succeed in the tournament at all. Their triumphs over Saint Joseph's, Villanova, Iowa State, Michigan State, and Florida were described as "the biggest upsets of the year." All season I've been rooting for UConn. I'm from Connecticut, and while neither of my parents are huge sports fans, I have been bred to "bleed blue" for whatever that's worth. Throughout all of their wins, the media has been skeptical of their abilities, claiming their wins were due to circumstances out of their control. This bad press and innate dislike of the Huskies that almost all America has had this March Madness season has caused me to question the role of the media in shifting our perspectives on the games.

At this point you're probably wondering where Aura ties in. I read the book in one sitting because it was so captivating. I was hooked by Fuentes' use of second-person narration. When I finished the book, however, I was left feeling empty and disappointed. I'm not sure what I had been led to believe, but this was not the ending I had hoped for. Fuentes, like the media had shifted my perspective. As an audience we feel connected to Felipe Montero because we basically become him. We eagerly await what will happen next and worry for his well-being. This is similar to the way the Huskies have been portrayed. Statisticians and basketball experts ranked them low in the tournament expecting them to be kicked off early in the bracket season. We were preconditioned to expect a different outcome from this basketball season, however, as the Huskies victory proves, fate is unpredictable. Or is it?

Fuente's Aura forces us to once again confront the idea of fate in our class. Felipe had no idea that by inquiring for this job advertisement he would become a completely different person. Consuelo, on the other hand, knows all to well exactly what the young historian's fate will be. Fuentes creates an eerie setting where we worry for Felipe because he wants us to recognize the horror in the narrative. We are forced into connecting with the protagonist only to find him lose himself. The media misrepresented the Huskies to the point where they were constantly having to comeback and prove themselves.

Rats or cats?

I think the first thing I noticed about this novel was its strange use of the second person present tense. This along with the content of the novel gave everything a dream like quality. The whole thing felt like you were walking through the dark, or couldn't see the bigger picture, but could only see the things that were chosen to be illuminated. Felipe also never really questioned the things that seemed really obscure, much like how you feel in a dream state. When you awake and recall your dream, not much makes any practical sense but that is not what you are thinking when you are actually asleep. For example, when Felipe is feeling the body of Aura and describing her appearance he cannot decide her age, aging her hips at twenty and her cheeks at forty, calling her a girl one day and a woman the next. This makes no practical sense but in this eerie dream/life state it seems that anything may seem normal.

The Second Person Perspective in Aura

            In the first eight lines or so of Aura, the word “you” is used five times. This initially caught me by surprise, as I could not remember the last time I read a book in second person. I think some of the shock was due to my lasting reading experience, Foe. The ending of Foe was baffling to me, and it was very unclear who the narrator was. In Aura, there is no doubt; I myself walk through the dark corridors and mysterious rooms of Aura’s house. I myself pore through the memoirs of General Llorente, and I myself engage in a strange and twisted relationship with Aura. I initially enjoyed this change, as Aura seemed much more straightforward than Foe. Nevertheless, after reading through the novel I have some issues.

            J.M. Coetzee emphasizes that there will always be silenced voices in any story. I came to realize that in Aura, there is really only one perspective. The reader is forced to become Felipe Montero, and think like him. Especially toward the end of the novel when the events get stranger and “blurrier,” it is difficult to glean what is really going on. At this point, I was wishing for a second perspective, like there was in Foe. I look forward to class discussion this week, and hopefully will hear some other good opinions on the subject.

A Whole New World

Reading Aura was a completely unfamiliar yet refreshing experience for me. First off, the novel was written by a Mexican author and later translated. However, instead of omitting the spanish version, the author compiles both versions in one bilingual edition, and the reader can read either the English or the Spanish side. So, reading only the right-hand English pages of the novel was certainly new and unusual. In addition, I found Aura uncommon in that it took me about 90 minutes to complete. Perhaps it was the author's style of writing or the fact that the story was written only on the right-hand pages, but I found it extremely difficult to enjoy and savor because of how quickly I was reading. I found myself constantly picking my head up and consciously forcing digesting what I had just read. The last thing I found unique was the style of the work. Utilizing the second person present-tense is unusual, and one that reminded me of a dream or a fortune-teller sitting in front of a crystal ball and reciting my fortune. Perhaps Carlos Fuentes used the second-person to mimic a dream-like state, and one of cyclical nature.

Lost in Translation

I’ve always hated translated books. If the original was written in English, I read it in English. If the original was written in Spanish, I would read it in Spanish. I think you cannot appreciate exactly what the author meant to say, or the literary devices they used or any little detail that might have meant a lot to the author. As a person who is constantly shifting between two languages I can tell you it is impossible to translate anything exactly. The book we read for tomorrow is a perfect example of a book that is lost in translation. For all of you that do not speak Spanish trust me on this, and the rest can see it for themselves. The book is translated in the wrong verb tense—probably something that I would consider important when translating a book. In the Spanish version, on page 5, the author says “vivirás ese día, identico a los demás” which means “you will live that day just like you have lived every other day,” but the English version, on page 6, says, “this day is just like any other.” Do you see the difference? Another example, a more obvious one, can be seen on page 16 and 17 where the text says, “te apartarás” (meaning “you will move aside”) while the English version says “you move aside.” That English phrase translated into Spanish would be “te apartas,” two completely different verb tenses. So why is this? Why would you translate a book in the wrong tense?

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my bilingual rant of the day and I’ll be back next week for more.

I am Felipe

Even before reading the novel Aura, the black cat on the cover of the novel gave me a spooky feeling. In Nepal growing up black cats were considered to be a formation of a cruel witch. It was considered unlucky to be in the presences of a black cat. While reading the novel, I always tried to avoid looking at the cover of the novel and when I was done reading the novel, I placed the novel in a position where I was unable to see the cover. However, the context within the novel was continuously keeping the spookiness of the black cat alive.

After learning about writers capability of manipulating and  lieing within novels for the past few months, I was ready to observe all of Carlos Fuentes lies and not fall in his trap. Within the few pages of the novel, I told myself obviously Aura is Consuelo and Felipe is falling into a trap as the readers are falling into the same trap. I felt smart that I was able to jump through that hole however,  Carlos Fuentes detailed oriented writing made the creepiness of the story come alive, even when the hints toward Aura being Consuelo is given, I was spooked out. When Felipe  goes to comfort Consuelo about her tyranny towards Aura, he encounters Consuelo mimicking Aura’s behavior as she “wipes her hands against her breast, sighs, and starts cutting the air again, as if –yes, you can see it clearly- as is she were skinning an animal.” I felt the motion of skinning as I read that part of the novel, without realizing I as the reader was playing the same role as Felipe.