I'm going to assume that what we talked about in class on Tuesday is fair game for the blog.
When we discussed why we are here at Hamilton I sat quietly not because I was uninterested, but because I was struggling to answer for myself. I think now I've finally figured it out.
The most logical reason that comes to mind when wondering why I am here at Hamilton is to get a degree in God-knows-what so I can make money and be successful. That's supposed to be everyone's goal, right? But if it were all about money, I could have easily gone to a state school and paid almost nothing for a comparable education. There must be some other reason I'm here.
The pursuit of academic knowledge? As far as being at Hamilton specifically, I'm sure the knowledge is the same everywhere else as it is here. Plus, after suffering through high school with the minimal possible effort to get the proper grade, I think it's safe to say that "learning" is probably the most bullshit answer of all.
One reason brought up in class is to try out things I'd never be able to try otherwise. I like this one. It's a real feel-good reason because it can justify pretty much anything I do ever. However, I know it isn't true because I've almost never stepped out of my comfort zone in terms of classes or clubs here. There's probably not much to be gained by the "trying things out" that most people at Hamilton engage in.
So if not any of these reasons, why AM I here? What's the point? I can try to justify it with these reasons, try to make my choice to come here seem logical and deliberate, but in reality they are all lies. The real reason I'm here is because that's what I was told I was supposed to do. After middle school you go to high school. After high school, college. After college, the work force. The progression has always seemed so unwavering in its necessity and its linearity. Why not go to a cheap in-state school? Probably embarrassment, mostly. As O'Brien knows it can be a strong motivator.
What good has this personal conversation been? Surely the message I take from this can't be "just keep going with the flow." At some point in my life I'll have to make an actual important decision. The true reason I'm here doesn't really seem to matter. Often people do the right thing for the wrong reason. So now that I'm here, my job is to pretend that the lies are the real reasons for being here. I should push my comfort zone, learn as much as possible, and find out what I want to do with my life.
My sentiments exactly. Well, mainly. I really do want to learn about a lot of things. I guess I've just realized that, in spite of repeatedly telling myself that I have time to figure out what I want to do with my life and that learning for the sake of learning is noble and important, those ideas sometimes don't seem to hold much weight, especially when I'm pretty unsure as to what I want to study for my next four years here at Hamilton.
ReplyDeleteWell not I feel like I am just reiterating the last comment but I felt the same way during class on Tuesday. Obviously I know all of the cliche reason why I am going to college but what it simply boils down to is the idea that I am supposed to be here. The new question that I then have to grapple with is whether or not I am okay with being here because of others expectations? On top of that, how much have I then convinced myself that those are my expectations?
ReplyDeleteYou weren't kidding Ben, this is pretty dark, but this type of no-BS analysis can also be refreshing, especially at 2 am xD. People, however, do view college in the ideal way, but calling it as I see it and not to take away anything from such people, I am pretty sure that most people including me that are unsure of what they are doing in college confront this question. I think the key point is to not brood over this question for too long. I mean it's better to live that "lie" rather than let that time pass you by. Right? The irony of this situation is that I am giving advice that I could use myself, but let's put our situation in perspective. In Korea, high schoolers had to decide what area of study they would pursue and their career was pretty much set from then on. I can't speak of the situation now, but my dad is living proof that a guy who realized that he may have been more of a humanities person could not change his college major as an engineer and spent 20+ years as one. It's a bit of a personal example, but at least we're not stuck. I think both posts above me also highlight the fact that we can make some choices for ourselves. If it makes you feel any better, going out of my comfort zone isn't my thing, but I'll try to go to ping pong club this week. I heard it's pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteYour cynicism (or is it candidness?) is refreshing. I felt the exact same way as a high school senior applying to a dozen colleges (most of them selected by their ranking). The thought suddenly came to me, "What if I just don't fill out these applications?" It's so easy to trick yourself into thinking that you must go with the same flow as everyone else. It was an interesting little thought experiment for me to imagine the reactions of my friends and family if they found out that Smart Mary Rice was not going to college. It was terrifying. And so here I am. Glad to be here, I might add. But still knowing that however much I may struggle here, I am probably taking the easiest of routes. I know what is expected of me here. I am supposed to find that thing that makes me happy and turn that thing into income. At the same time, I am supposed to find a bunch of other things that will make me into a well-rounded liberal arts product. (Strange, isn't it, that after the revolutionizing effect specialization of labor had on human civilization, that we now find ourselves pressured to do not just one thing, but everything? The Renaissance man/woman returns, eh?) I do subscribe to the idea that students should enrich their lives with lots of different types of knowledge, but I also realize that some of the most important knowledge I will gain--what I will understand long after the specific facts have been forgotten--is the knowledge of why I chose to learn those things in the first place.
ReplyDeleteAnd Min, if you're looking to get out of your comfort zone, try coming to CULINARY SOCIETY.