"We Must Stumble Blindly Forward, Repeating History"?

The title is from a really awesome Bright Eyes song called "Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love And To Be Loved)" which is kind of about being tired of being lied to and manipulated and generally about Conor Oberst's anger at society; it's a solid 10 minutes long, but it's also excellent. Memento is kind of actually my favorite movie, so I have a lot to say, but I’ll try to do with without spoilers because that would be awful.

At one point in Memento, Natalie and Leonard have the following exchange-

Natalie: ...This is a copy of his registration, license, photo and all. Are you sure you want this?

Leonard: Have I told you what this man did?

Natalie: Yes.

Leonard: Then you shouldn’t have to ask.

Natalie: But even if you get your revenge, you won't remember it. You won't even know it's happened.

Leonard: So I'll take a picture, get a tattoo. The world doesn't disappear when you close your eyes, does it? My actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. My wife deserves vengeance, and it doesn't make any difference whether I know about it.

Although Leonard's motives may say his motives are clear, I would argue they’re actually more complicated than he presents. Although he tells Natalie he’s not looking for revenge or the satisfaction he may feel from avenging his wife’s death if he could make memories, his words and actions sometimes contradict this. In a later (earlier) scene, also with Natalie, in talking about his wife Leonard says, “You can only feel details. Bits and pieces which you didn't bother to put into words. And extreme moments you feel even if you don't want to. Put it together and you get the feel of the person, enough to know how much you miss them, and how much you hate the person who took them away.” Although he may suggest other motives, in saying this Leonard voices what I would argue is his real motive, the revenge he said he wasn’t seeking, some kind of satisfaction or sense of peace.

At times it seems like everyone is lying to Leonard… and maybe that’s true, but I would argue that no one is lying to Leonard more than Leonard is lying to himself. Leonard chooses the truth he follows. In a seeming fit of anger, Leonard chooses Natalie over Teddy. Although it may come through manipulation by Natalie, I would argue that it’s in that moment that Leonard decides to kill Teddy. Leonard, who has shown that he was at one point able to read people, doesn’t suggest he’s lost that ability. He even says that he maintains it in asking for his calls to be forwarded. He should be able to tell Natalie is using him, even if her photo doesn’t say so. But he decides to ignore it. Leonard manipulates himself through his disorder as much as anyone else. He says he’s not looking for satisfaction, when all of his actions suggest he wants nothing more. Leonard is as much a manipulator as he is a victim of manipulation.