Just My Opinion

I enjoyed the workshop with Sarah Jillings, but I don’t know if I got anything out of it. I thought it was really well-planned out and was thought-provoking, and I appreciate the time she took out of her day to come and talk to us. That being said, I don’t know if she mentioned stuff that I hadn’t heard before, and that is most definitely not her fault or whatever.

When I was 13, my dad made me spend the entire summer reading Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends and Influence People” (please feel bad for me). I don’t know if many of you are familiar with it, but the book covers how to establish a strong relationship with people and how to make yourself a better, more effective and overall more influential person in society. Additionally, I took a Health Science and Psychology course in high school that focused on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Both of those experiences combined basically encompass everything she touched on about self-actualization and social relationships. That being said, I still really enjoyed the workshop. I’m borderline obsessed with social psych and introspection in psychology and it’s always interesting to see how others react to different experiences, and I thought this this was a good bonding activity for us as a class because I learned a little bit more about everyone on a more personal and sincere level. So even though I wasn't challenged to think in a way that I haven’t before, I liked how I got to observe others and discuss personal details.

(Edit: After thinking about this for a few minutes, I realized that I am glad that my dad made me read that book. As an eighth grader, I didn't see why finding a passion was necessary for a fulfilling life. I was just into skinny jeans and eyeliner and didn't think that I needed to worry about how my social relationships affected my lifestyle or whether or not I was happy going along with my daily routine. I now see that ever since reading that book, everything I do impacts my life in some way even if it isn't immediately noticeable. My pre-med class only  furthered that mindset, and Sarah Jilling's workshop made it more realistic because now, more than ever, I have ultimate control over what I really want to spend my time doing, and how I want it to affect my lifestyle. So I retract what I said earlier about not getting anything out of the workshop, that was stupid.)

Friday Workshop

Wow! That was my initial reaction when i first listened to what Sarah Jillings had to say to us. First off, the pyramid that she showed us was very very very relatable to my life (In my opinion). Without any thing below the pyramid, everything would fall apart. After hearing it, my brain immediately correlated how my life related to the pyramid. In the end, as humans we have existential dilemmas with ourselves almost everyday of our life. Without self-actualization, it would be hard to come to peace with yourself. Surviving everyday would be a struggle when you have to think about why and for what you live for. On the same note, I came to think about how I could relate what she told us to what we learned in class. Just like how humans need self-actualization, the Bokononist in Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle had no true way to find their self-actualization with themselves. So instead of trying to find their meaning to life, the Bokononist persuaded themselves into putting all their faith into the religion of Bokonon. To them, that was their self-actualization, to formidably lie to themselves to believe that they are happy. The seminar we had was extremely mind blowing and had me thinking on different cylinders. Although we think our lives are really that special, in the end we all exist in this world together and the meaning of our lives basically comes down to what we want our lives to mean. As Sarah Jillings told us, our lives are led in this pursuit for self-actualization.

What Makes Me Happy

I really enjoyed Sarah Jilling's self-actualization workshop last week. It made me really think about what my happiness is and if I have achieved it. I realized that I am very happy and mostly grateful to be at Hamilton College. I didn't expect to come to Hamilton at all, but after being here for a semester now, I am so glad I ended up here at Hamilton.

I think it was interesting that most of our class said one of the most important factors that contribute to happiness was relationships. I strongly agree with this because I have had an amazing experience here at Hamilton thanks to the great friends I have met and the great professors I have had as well. Although I have never had such a tough schedule with classes, jobs and clubs, I feel a positive stress as opposed to the negative stress I experienced at my competitive high school. I think having a solid groups of friends is really important. My days are significantly better from just being around them all the time. I really liked the marbles in the jar analogy that Sarah Jillings mentioned. I realized that my friends truly get so excited for each other's successes all the time and I am so glad to have that support here. At home, I have an amazing support system as well, but it is much different. I have to worry more about the bills, my loans, taxes, etc. and at Hamilton (although I do worry about that), it is not constantly on my mind.

I am not really sure what I want to do with my life at all. I am pre-med but not because my parents told me to be. My parents have never suggested I go pre-med and have always supported me in whatever I did. The only thing they really stressed growing up was sports. Although I started sports due to my brother and parents, I am really glad they pushed me down that direction. I loved having a sports-oriented family. I learned so much from team sports, made amazing friends and it really brought my family close together through constant tournament traveling. I bring this up because sometimes things are forced, but I end up truly enjoying them. After the workshop, I realized I am not sure what I really like. I like a lot of things, I laugh at almost everything, and I find happiness from very small things. I like being outdoors, community service, food, sleeping, puppies, but I feel as if I haven't found my real "passion." This is why I am glad Sarah Jillings told us that she was a business major at Hamilton and has completely changed her mind since then. I still don't know what I want to do or what makes me truly happy but now I am more aware about where I am. Like this workshop, this class has made me more aware about what I am reading and what I chose to believe and why.

I am a pretty big Sherlock Holmes fan. Sherlock is one of my favorite TV shows, and both of the Robert Downey Jr. movies, in my opinion, are awesome (Game of Shadows ties in to this story). To me, Sherlock Holmes and audience manipulation go hand in hand.

I think that the whole idea of a mystery story, whether it is in movie, book, TV or some other form, is to make the reader try to outsmart whoever is solving it. I know this is something that I do, and the constant attempts at not just following along, but getting ahead, makes the story that much more gripping to me.

There is a delicate balance here though because if a story is too easy to follow, it ceases to be riveting. And I also know I feel cheated if the answer to the mystery appears out of thin air; when I go back, knowing what to look for, and it still isn’t there. This is, I think, the heart of good mystery stories and the real challenge in writing one: burying the clues needed to solve it deep enough that I notice them but think nothing of them, and then throwing them all in my face at the conclusion. Manipulating me to pay close attention to every detail and still be surprised at which ones are important. There is an innate genius that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle certainly possessed, one that cannot be replicated just by taking his characters and trying to write new stories for them (although I definitely think Sherlock the TV show does).

A ode for a friend

For a long period of my life, I believed that happiness was measured by the number of friends I had, so I took on the role of shape-shifter. It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school (when I became slightly less introverted) that I formed my first genuine friendship. Of course I had friends growing up, but I never felt as at ease or as confident as I did with KB. KB spoke with her own unique set of mannerisms, was witty, serious when appropriate, and ridiculous in private. I wanted her to like me more than anything, so (without realizing it at the time) I tried to be KB. Now, when I think back to my high school years, it is clear that I lost part of myself in trying to be KB's self-pronounced best friend. After listening to the lecture in our last class, I initially felt disappointed in myself for having let my idolization of someone mold my personality. But now I believe that Sarah Jillings' statement that you have to be yourself before you can form true friendships is incorrect. KB's confidence, sense of humor and loyalty rubbed off on me, and allowed me to feel comfortable enough with myself to not care about what others thought.
KB and I are still great friends, but our friendship has changed. Once I felt confident enough to be myself, KB began to disagree with some of my decisions and started to question some of my actions. It was uncomfortable for a few months, with a few lapses in communication, but eventually we found our way back to each other with a new found sense of gratitude for what each of us brought to the friendship. In my opinion, we are not as close as we used to be (probably because I am no longer her carbon copy and we are at separate schools), but I value her friendship most of all because she helped me find myself and, more importantly, stuck around when I did.

Shitty 2nd Drafts

I have been looking at this paper for weeks. The closer we get to this deadline, the more frightened I become. What if it is not good enough? What if I don't get an A? It is hard to prioritize work during stressful weeks such as this one. How much time should I allow for Econ studying while still working on my paper for this, and a problem set for my energy class? Well if I get "this high" of a grade on my econ test, I can probably get an A in the class, so I should study more for the test.... But if I don't do well on this paper, I could be sacrificing this grade. I wish we lived in a society that did not bear so much weight on grades. I went to the career center last Friday and the first thing the counselor said to me was, "GPA is the first indicator employers look at". I think that people have much more to offer than a number. If I could do something incredible for a weekend, like go on a two day adventure to the Adirondacks with some friends, I would definitely sacrifice studying. College is all about making experiences that will last a lifetime, and learning about how the world works, so you can become a productive and engaged member of society. I know people that study for hours for tests and get B-'s and people who look over their notes for 10 minutes and get A's. I think there are better ways to test knowledge than written tests. Weeks like these, where every teacher assigns some huge assignment, are so shitty for pretty much every student. Are tests (and grades) for teachers to evaluate their student's progress, or for the administration to evaluate teachers? Happy studying.

The Not So Final Problem

I do not watch the t.v. series featuring Benedict Cumberbatch (who I must say has an incredible last name),  but as a fan of Robert Downey Jr. and his Sherlock Holmes films, I already knew that Conan Doyle did not, or should I say could not, kill off Sherlock Holmes through his chapter "The Final Problem." Though most of the Sherlock Holmes' series are written in the perspective of his close friend and partner Dr. John H. Watson, I think the narration in this chapter specifically allowed the reader to empathize with Watson from his starting words, "it is with a heavy heart." After doing a little online research, it turns out that Doyle's original purpose in writing this was to end his Sherlock series, but he eventually resurrects him in subsequent stories.

After I finished reading, it seemed to me that Doyle's feelings could be matched with Watson's in this short story. Both having been with Sherlock and worked with him for a long period of time, I can presume that both would have felt very sorrowful about his death. There was an obvious melancholic tone to the narration that I feel like was not subject to just Watson. There are small parts of the story that stuck out to me as analogous to a plausible reaction of readers and fans . For example, when Watson writes "it will be within the public how completely... how heavily the hand of the dead man weighed," I see it as an implication of the strong effect this story may have on the readers. I think Doyle, intentional or not, incorporated his feelings and the reader's potential reaction in this chapter as a result of its original intention being "The Final Problem."

Self-actualization Workshop

              Even though I had already participated in the self-actualization workshop we did with Sarah Jillings previously in the year, I still got so much out of it. When I went to her workshop the first time, I was in my first semester of college and I had my life even less figured out than I do now, which isn’t saying much. Nonetheless, I feel like I got even more out of the workshop the second time around. I think it is really important to think about what I am passionate about and realize which environments I thrive in and which feelings I want to evoke. In terms of my future, I’m at a loss of what I want to pursue, other than something in the realm of psychology. The workshop helped me realize that I love to work with kids, and I love to work in environments where I can be a leader and empower others, like I currently do at my camp.

              My favorite part of the workshop was when we found the picture that resonates with us the most. Without thinking of what others will think, we grabbed something that we gravitated towards. And when we talked about why we chose it, it relayed important things about ourselves that we may not have realized before. I also really enjoyed the 1 minute life stories. Although I was sort of at a loss of what to talk about for one whole minute, I think it shows what is most important to a person. In this way, it is easier to get to know someone when you learn what is most important to them, or key events in their life. The workshop has helped me to start thinking about things in different ways.

Holmes, Dead or Alive?

After reading The Final Problem, I believe that Sherlock Holmes is alive.  I feel as though Holmes died too easily after averting three attempted homicides, and coming as far as he did to defeat Moriarty.  The story seems to end abruptly and with many open ends.  Watson provides a distinct opinion that tries to persuade the reader into believing that Holmes is dead, and his evidence of conviction is the lack thereof.  Watson exploits the audience by basing his conclusion of Holmes’ death on the lack of evidence.  Watson proceeds to say that Holmes was “...the wises whom I have ever known” (Doyle 8).  This demonstrates Holmes’ true wisdom and abilities.  The letter that Moriarty so generously let Holmes write could have been faked!  The wisdom of Holmes that Watson points out could in fact be at play here;  Holmes could have walked down the path, made it look like a fight occurred , and then walked backward off the path.  This would make it look like both Holmes and Moriarty walked down the path and neither returned.  Certainly Holmes’ wisdom attests for such a brilliant plan.  Regardless of the validity of my suspicious story, if I can come up with a plan like that, Sherlock Holmes could think up something ten times better.  I am not convinced Sherlock Holmes is dead.

If my suspicion holds true, The Final Problem would fit seamlessly into this course much like An Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge.  We are unaware of both the main characters’ lives, or if they are actually alive.  However, in AOAOCB we find out at the end of the story that Farquhar is actually dead.  I think that the ambiguity of whether Holmes is alive or not contributes to his cryptic persona.

Creating Lies out of Truth

I watch Sherlock Holmes the TV show so it’s interesting reading the text against my knowledge of the show. Sherlock Holmes dies in glory taking down his arch-rival and intellectual match, Moriarty. Doyle intended for the death of Holmes and the end of literary collection when he wrote the story. Doyle, however writes Sherlock Holmes back to life in his subsequent work. Looking at this through the lens of truth and lies, it can be seen as both. The fact that Sherlock Holmes is dead is both truth and lie.

It bothered me when I realized that Doyle meant to end the series in “The Final Problem”. It almost voided everything subsequent he wrote about Holmes. The purpose of these stories, and the TV show is entertainment, not truth, so why do Doyle’s intentions while writing one of the stories decrease my enjoyment of the show after the stories complementary episode? Believing that Doyle intended to revive Sherlock while he wrote his death gives me a sense of shock and satisfaction of being surprised and deceived. Doyle, however, didn’t deceive us. He also thought that this was Sherlock’s true death but then later decided to change the fact, leaving the readers with no hidden clues or inferences of his live existence. In other words, Doyle cheated. He told a true, conclusive story but then decided he did not, in fact, want to end his series. He, in turn, created an elaborate plan to revive Sherlock, and his career, discarding his readers’ trust on the way.

The Inescapability of Sherlock Holmes and Grizzly Bears

After finishing “The Final Problem,” I googled the story and read through its Wikipedia page. I discovered that the author, Conan Doyle, wrote this story in an effort to rid himself of the character of Sherlock Holmes. Doyle found that the character and his stories were distracting Doyle from greater and more important work.  He wrote to his mother, “I must save my mind for better things, even if it means burying my pocketbook with it.” Despite this desire to be finished with the famous detective, Doyle ended up reviving Holmes due to pressure from fans.

Doyle’s relationship with Holmes reminds me of Timothy Treadwell’s relationship with the bears. Writing about Holmes was unavoidable for Doyle, in the same way studying grizzly bears was for Treadwell. Neither man could remove himself completely from his obsession. Although Treadwell was not open about a desire to stop studying grizzlies in the way Doyle was open about his desire to stop writing about Sherlock Holmes, I think Timothy’s studying of the bears was inevitable. Treadwell used his trips to Alaska as a means by which to find purpose in life and escape his demons. As soon as he stopped studying his bears, his demons would have likely returned from their dormant state. Sarah Jillings talked about finding our passions in class on Friday and often people’s passions bring only pleasure and happiness, but I think that is not always the case. Writing about Holmes and studying the bears were Doyle’s and Treadwell’s passions respectively and those activities brought both men a world of positive and negative emotions.

The Usual Suspects and Sherlock

The ending to The Final Problem reminded me a great deal of The Usual Suspects. In it, Kevin Spacey’s character plays a bumbling accomplice to a group of criminals. However, Spacey’s character is actually just acting, and is in reality the organizer and mastermind behind the various crimes of the movie. At one point, before permanently disappearing, Spacey’s character says “The devil’s greatest trick was convincing the world he doesn’t exist”. I think it is at least possible that Holmes and/or Moriarty survived the struggle. The lack of concrete evidence and witnesses adds an air of suspicion to the the events surrounding the disappearance of Holmes and Moriarty. In fact, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle would go on to use these ambiguities/openings in order to bring Sherlock back in a later story, The Adventure of the Empty House.

However, maybe I’m lying to myself. It’s easily possible that rather than live with the fact that Sherlock is dead, I would rather imagine a happier ending in which he figured out a way to escape, and chose to live out the rest of his life anonymously rather than returning to England. When authors leave ambiguous endings, or even endings with just a few holes in them, it leaves readers the opportunity to imagine other possibilities. Does a reader have an obligation to themselves to see things for how they are, or are they allowed to see things for how they wish they were?

Choosing How to Die

Reading the final chapter of the story of Sherlock Holmes made me again aware of the ever present reality that everyone dies. There are arguments to be made that those who are dead live on in the lives of those still living, and will continue to live on as long as their stories are told. In addition, their work often lives on in the art that they have created, or the recorded impacts that they have made on society. This story makes a compelling argument of this type as well. It is assured to the reader in the end of the story that, "it will be within the memory of the public how completely the evidence which Holmes had accumulated exposed their organization, and how heavily the hand of the dead man weighed upon them"(Doyle). Still though, while his work remains relevant, and retains its impact on society, Holmes remains dead. He may continue to impact others now that he is gone, but he will no longer personally experience those effects. He is a physical part of this world no longer. I think that this raises the important question of how one wishes to die.

This, perhaps somewhat inevitably, reminded me of Timothy Treadwell. Treadwell is an excellent modern day comparison to Holmes. As we saw in Holmes' last letter to Watson, he was exceedingly prepared not only for his own death, but to die for his work. Holmes could have escaped danger in this situation by succumbing to Moriarity's demands and backing off of his case, but he chose not to. Treadwell too, could have avoided death at the hands of the bears that he so loved. However, they both decided that this was their desired fate. In many ways, control of the circumstances of one's own death is the ultimate control that one can have. While they may not be able to eliminate death, they can greet it on their own terms. A final triumph for the doomed; a final "fuck you" to death.

Hop On The Mystery Machine

I’ve seen Sherlock and I can see how this text inspired the final episode of the second season, fittingly titled The Reichenbach Fall. On both occasions I assumed - or was assigned to assume - Watson’s vantage point, which in this particular text the character claims to be the absolute and most elaborate retelling of Holmes’s rivalry with Moriarty and their alleged deaths. After all we’ve read so far in the semester, I think it’s safe to say that it’s not.

On a different note, looking at them on their own, both the show and this text are entertainment for entertainment’s sake - they make their own puzzles, solve them and tag their audience along for the ride until the final riddle which they leave their followers alone to solve on their own (whether Holmes actually died or not). Whatever happened to Holmes in both fictional universes, such method primes the audience for their own versions of an ending, hence their own versions of closure. So, in a way, after latching on to a character’s narrative for a while, we finally have an opportunity to form our own. This sounds as though we now can become decision makers with the same rights and powers as the original author (and the character we’ve been following). But the truth remains that our will is still very much dependent and conditioned by what the text fed us with.

But the show and this text are not on their own. They participate in at least two other literary traditions: one of the mystery/ crime procedural genre, and one of this class, hovering over OAOCB, CC, TTTC, and GM. With respect to the first, having seen Psych, Scooby-Doo, Memento, The Departed, and other works whose name escape me for now, I am confident that I have nothing else intelligent to say about this genre other than the things I’ve said. Or at least something critical. The argument in the previous paragraph is probably as close to anything inquisitive as it can get. With respect to the second, I can only say that I look forward to class discussion tomorrow for a more in-depth, comprehensive comparative analysis. But if we’re going to get all meta about this anyway, I guess the million dollar question is that of Conan Doyle’s ulterior motive in ending this body of text the way he did, and how it correlates to those of the previous people we’ve read and watched.

Harmful Untruths

Growing up lies were bad, the truth was good. But this line has been blurred in many ways. I see the protective and gratifying nature that the foma can have, but I also see the destruction. In Cat’s Cradle the people of San Lorenzo protect themselves from the poverty surrounding through to safe lies Bokononism offers. However, they don’t make their situations any better, and ultimately the lies are what destroy them, leading them all to commit suicide. I see a connection there to Timothy Treadwell. Treadwell used the foma to convince himself that the bears needed him, that he was somehow their protector. But these self-deceptive lies ultimately led him to his death. He was so sure that the bears would never harm him because he was ‘one of them’. The ‘harmless untruths’ aren’t always all that harmless. Lies are dangerous and difficult to navigate.

I don’t like the idea of needing to lie to yourself just to be happy. I feel like happiness should come without that. If you have to lie, are you really happy? To me it just seems like a fake layer, living without really living. Living by the foma seems like living in a dreamland, sure it’s happy but it’s not real. But on the other side of the argument I guess some people would think it’s better to just be happy. If the truth of life is so bad then maybe lies are the better option. I don’t know, I guess it depends on the person. But I still think that no lies are all that ‘harmless’ and they definitely have a destructive nature.

Pursuit of Happiness

Finding what makes us happy is a life-long process that is constantly evolving. People, interests and circumstances change all the time, which directly affects what it takes someone to be satisfied. The workshop we did in class on Friday really made me reflect on my own life. Over the past six months, I’ve been trying to find things in my everyday life that make me happy. I’ve spent so much of my time worrying about the long run and where each little step I take may bring me. I’ve come to realize that each step happens for a reason, and that sometimes the things that make you the happiest are the smallest things that others may not even notice. I thought back to times when I was unhappy and tried to notice common trends within those occurrences, and realized that sweating the small stuff caused most of them. I’ve learned to appreciate the people in my life that make me a better person, and bring out a side of me that I like, tying back to the idea of maintaining good relationships. Everyone has their own way of being happy, and the hardest part is just learning what those things are. However, once you figure that out, you’re on the windy road to self-actualization.

Actively Working Towards Happiness

If I'm being completely honest, the Sarah Jillings meeting kind of freaked me out a bit. (Though I am not sure if that is a bad thing). Sometimes I think I need to be scared in order to change. I guess what shook me was the realization, or reaffirmation of the knowledge, that happiness is attainable through careful calculation. If you have survival, safety, acceptance, you can have high self-esteem and be a fully realized human being. Happiness is something you need to actively work towards. It doesn't just happen.
When she asked the class what we think attributes most to human happiness, four of the groups (mine included) said relationships. Sarah then explained the concept of marbles and how healthy relationships have both parties constantly placing "marbles in the jar." I guess I never really thought about it that way. Being a person that, as cheesy as it sounds, goes "with the flow" a lot of the time, I was opened to a different way of looking at relationships. Intentionally putting "marbles" into relationships strengths the bonds you have and leads to better shared experience. I guess I realized I can be a little more deliberate in my relationships.
What freaked me out was probably the realization that I am pretty far away right now from being a full self-actualized person. Self-esteem, self doubt, these are very real obstacles for me, and I'm sure a lot of people. When you can garner control over that (and it's easier said than done) you actually start working toward being fully actualized. I guess I am just hoping that I'm not stuck right now and am actively working to get there.

An Imagination Exercise

I especially liked the story we read because I'm a huge fan of the TV show Sherlock. This story must be the inspiration for the rivalry through out the show between Sherlock and Moriarty. After I finished the story I tried to think about how this related to the class. I think it comes down to who knows the truth. This story is about a game between two masterminds. Each one is trying to stay one step ahead of the other. But if both of them are trying to do this, then how do they ever know if they truly know the truth. They both try to think through how the other will react to what they do, so it comes down to who thinks it the furthest through. But if the other doesn’t realize that he is behind, then his truth is wrong. We see that Sherlock thought he was ahead of Moriarty the whole time, when in reality Moriarty was able to escape the police and track Sherlock’s movements the whole time. We also will never know the truth of what happens on the cliff between Sherlock and Moriarty. Both of them are gone, but Watson has to live with the fact that he won’t truly know how it ended. I think that is an important tool in story telling. By leaving a story with no clear ending, it lets the reader imagine what could have happened. The author has shifted the responsibility, and even though it can be extremely frustrating as a reader, it is also an exercise. It could be that the author just got lazy, or maybe they are challenging the reader to continue on their own and create something better than what the author could have ever imagined.

Treadwell a Bokononist? Say What?

What is happiness? What makes us happy? I think a lot of the time we take for granted the little things in life that make us happy. I know for me, it is really hard to find what exactly those little things are, because it is this continuous journey of trial and error. Sometimes we get caught up in the mundane motions of life, but life isn’t mundane at all. It is full of hidden beauty and spontaneity that we consciously and unconsciously ignore. I think we have accidentally programed ourselves to be so hard on ourselves, that we sometimes forget to live in the moment. Although Timothy Treadwell was crazy, he was smarter than all of us. He found what made him happy, no matter how insane and damaging to others it was, he did it. I envy him in this sense, because he made an active choice to give up and stop doing all the things that made him feel insignificant and depressed, and he decided to live. His adopted life style was illogical and a little irrational, but at moments his life with the bears made him feel like he belonged somewhere. I think Timothy was similar to a Bokononist. He was living by foma. He was constantly telling himself these harmless untruths that made him happy. I don’t think there is any malice in that. I think we need to learn from Treadwell and actively choose to do the things that make us content. We need to learn to live by foma. Not all the time, but I think there is some connection to overall wellbeing and this concept of living by these harmless untruths to survive.  The discussion we had on Friday really made me consider the things in my life that make me happy and how can I attain the goal of ultimate life satisfaction. I think the possibility of adopting a little bit of foma, could not hurt the discovery process of what makes us happy.