Through my first draft I find....

For some reason, while reading Shitty First Drafts, I kept imagining a room, not quite unlike the ones you see on A&E's Hoarders, except instead of the room being filled with unnecessary items, it was filled with words. Words upon words upon words cluttering the room that promises claustrophobia and panic to weigh down on anyone who enters. I know it's a weird thought (however, I doubt Anne Lamott's hypnotist would think so), but I think that's how I've always seen the prospect of writing a paper; me against a whole lot of words that I have to sift through until I can get something worth a grain of salt (or a teacher's stamp of approval). I think what stands between myself (and many others) and a second draft is having to write the first one. Call it laziness, the want to be organically, naturally perfect, or a sense of attachment to your first born, but leaving the first draft is hard. Granted, I've never turned in something that wasn't edited or changed (I even changed around the second sentence of this blog post), but writing the second draft demands more attention and direction, making it the more brutal and frustrating to write. 

In Perfectionism, Lamott condemns tidiness and rejoices over clutter. I disagree. As my roommates could tell you, I don't do well with clutter. It's not that I keep everything organized and clean constantly, but that I make little messes then clean them up thoroughly, instead of letting the smaller messes become big ones that take more effort to remedy. This reflects my writing process. I have never sat down, written an entire paper, and waited only until the end to go back, reread, and edit what I wrote. I will write a paragraph or two, edit it, then, and only when I am completely satisfied, will I move on to the next stage of the paper. If I had a whole lot of cluttered pages, I would become completely overwhelmed and be more inclined to give up. My process gives me a sense of perseverance and security. And Lamott is right, successful perseverance does feel sublime.

With this Cat's Cradle and The Things They Carried essay, I have decided to try writing a shitty first draft. No stopping after a few paragraphs--I am determined to sit down and write three pages without altering a thing. This could be a shit show, or I could enjoy the process. I guess I'll find out...