External vs. Internal Validation

Continuing off of what we talked about in class with Ms. Jillings, I think that one of the most important factors that goes into finding happiness is first finding a way to be irrevocably confident in who you are. I don't mean this is any sort of egotistical way, but I think that a lot of being happy with your life depends on believing that who you are is what is right for you. The way I see it, I think a lot of people come to depend on external validation, whether that's through things like good grades, a hefty work bonus, or even praises and compliments from other people. I remember that in high school the people who were the least satisfied with who they were were the always the most flirtatious; they were the ones who looked to others for an affirmation that they couldn't give themselves. I also knew a lot of people to whom grades were this validation--they worked hard to get good grades because seeing all those As on their report cards was their way of feeling good about themselves. Of course there are many other things factoring into these two examples, but I do still believe that this external venue of validation is how a lot of people construct a superficial happiness for themselves. I think that this works in the short term fairly well as you get into a good college or snag a cute boyfriend and then feel good about yourself, but what happens after you graduate school and there's no more grades to affirm that you're doing well? Or what happens if you and that cute boyfriend break up? The problem with external validation is that it is external--it is out of your control. That kind of validation can be removed or corrupted in an instant without you being able to do a thing about it. What happens when these things are gone is that it becomes harder to recognize your own worth. It is for this reason that I think having a humble confidence is one of the most important factors leading to happiness. If you have a strong belief in yourself then you don't need external validation and your happiness is therefore contingent on you and you alone. With that said, I realize that this is an incredibly individualistic approach. I think that is important to note that external validation is not inherently a bad thing, and, in the case of love or a close friendship, outside affirmation can actually be very valuable; however, I would argue that relying too much on what other people think of you can cross into a realm of dependency that is just not conducive to feeling truly, deeply happy.