Split Stories

Okay, I know we’re supposed to be paying attention to the things going on around us and posting about those, but I just read a story that really made me think about what we’ve been talking about in this course, so I’m going to write about that. Earlier this month I read a story within Raymond Carver’s “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” titled The Bath. After really enjoying his type of stories, I ordered another collection. Upon reading this second collection today, I came upon a story titled A Small, Good Thing. The first five or six pages of this story read exactly the same as The Bath. For a bit, I was concerned that the two collection had some sort of overlap. However, as I continued to read, I noticed various changes within the story begin to take form.

I suppose at this point I should summarize the story. A young boy is hit by a car on his birthday. He falls into a deep coma, and the rest of the story is that of his parents, dealing with the aftermath and uncertainty. In the first version I read, the ending is ambiguous, leaving the reader wondering if the phone call the mother is receiving is from the hospital, or from a disgruntled baker. The reader has the choice of assuming the worst or hoping for the best. However, this ambiguity is missing from the second version of the story. The boy awakens, screams for a short while, and dies. This version ends, rather, with the boy’s parents being comforted by a baker in the night.

After reading the two stories I am left wondering whether I read one story told two different ways, or two stories, each with their own motivations and purposes, united by some common traits but ultimately different. I’m still not sure which it is, but I like the idea that Carver was able to create this world, and return to it later on in order to tell a completely different story with the same exact setup.

Manipulation by Technology

After thinking about manipulation for so long I concluded that literally everything manipulates us…or at least can be manipulated into seeming like it manipulates us (?).  The biggest form of manipulation I've paid attention to in the last week, though, is technology, specifically social media and communication. This idea ranges from a phone call that made our entire college campus shelter in place, to simple posts on social media portraying false emotions/identities. Technology creates a cloak of anonymity which breaks down inhibitions and fears because consequences have been eliminated. There is a world of bashing, bullying, threatening and more that is made so much more possible by the distance technology creates.  The bomb threat yesterday is a perfect example of technologies manipulation on people, as all this person needed to do was dial campo’s number and say bomb to freeze 2,000 people in their place. Technology does not just hide identities, it also creates whole new ones. Anyone can post false information, manipulating others on the internet into thinking they are someone else (catfish). People post what they want you to see and judge them for, creating false personas and manipulation. Sites like Facebook aim to portray full identities using features like “timeline”, which forces us to put together a full scope of our lives since birth with words, photos and pixels. Our world has become shaped by technology from the largest to the smallest of scales and in the best and worst of ways. It is, or seems like, the most prominent manipulator in my world today.

I'm really gullible.

If I’m being blunt, (which I usually am on these blog posts because I feel like the nature of this class allows me to do that) I’m bothered by how we have to focus so much on manipulation for the next few classes because it only elucidates how gullible I really am.

Here’s an example: I live in Dunham. This afternoon when I was walking back up to my room, I tried to go in the bathroom but was stopped in the hall by a friend who said “Ooooh, I don’t know if you wanna go in there, Sarah. Someone was in there before physical plant shut off the water and messed with the pipes so it overflowed and now there’s piss all over the floor.” I was so flippin’ annoyed, not just because I wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom for however long, but because I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO USE THE BATHROOM THE ENTIRE TIME. I walked by the bathroom again 10 minutes later and saw someone walk out totally not grossed out. Apparently, the water was shut off for a while, but there wasn’t pee anywhere… it was just water drainage from the sink area that was pooling up and I guess my friend was assuming the worst. The ACTUAL worst is the fact that I blindly believed her and was almost manipulated to take her word for it, for whatever reason. If all I needed to do was fill up my Nalgene, then why did the stall area even matter to me? Why did I let myself feel like I was dying of dehydration for those 10 minutes? I guess I was persuaded by her disgust and body language, but I feel like that’s hardy a valid reason. (Also I'm not completely sure how relevant this story was, sorry.)

In my defense, Dunham (AKA the dirty D) is nasty a lot of the time maybe it wasn’t entirely gullible of me to take her word for it but still, it’s the little things like this that remind me that I don’t always have to try to believe everyone, and that I can use my own senses to guide me instead of having complete faith in others.

What's Actually Happening?

This bomb/shooter threat has me wondering how much of what the faculty reveals to us is true.  The administration could be completely feeding us false information to keep us from falling into a state of mass hysteria.  As they siphon us information, I am trapped in my organic chemistry class without food or water, and am not allowed to leave.  I understand that they are taking precautionary measures, but they asked students to evacuate the entire dark-side of campus, which requires them to walk outside in broad daylight.  That can’t be very safe.  If they’re asking students to walk across campus on the dark side (where the actual threat is) why can’t I just go to my room on the light side from the science center?  Awfully suspicious to me.

Also, why would an intended criminal announce to the entire campus that he plans to act against the law?  No one that plans to commit crimes just announces to everyone that he will complete these acts.  Again, I understand this is a precautionary measure, but it’s 2015; this is ridiculous. Trace the goddamn phone call, find the person who called, and scan the “suspicious” bags.  The administration is acting strange in their handling of this issue.  I’m not saying I have better plans than they do, but I feel as though some of these actions are contradictory and mildly unnecessary.  I doubt anyone was actually seen making any threats.  The only suspicious activity is a vague phone call and a bag someone left on the floor of KJ.  Now I have lost the most beautiful day of the year (thus far) and valuable study time that I need for the excessive amount of work I have this week.

End Rant.

Food Choices

I know that when I was a highschooler, everything at a college seemed fascinating to me. So when the tour guide would say things like "we have a sushi bar," it would make me feel like "wow, this school's got everything." But in reality, the sushi bar only has two kinds of sushi. There's also a myth on campus that when families come to visit, the food just so happens to get a a lot better which may or may not be true. Even before we came to the school, we were manipulated.

At Hamilton, I would say that the food choices are decent. To be honest, I think that the amount of choices in food that we have are very limited. Sure, the salad bar and sandwich bar are alright and the pizza can sometimes actually be pretty tasty. But at dining halls like Mcewen and Commons, aside from those things, there really isn't much. The "hot food" section, minus the steamed vegetables which sometimes taste raw, usually only has around two to three main dishes that taste good.  Especially since the sushi bar at Commons and the global food section at Mcewen aren't very authentic sometimes, it gives the students few options to choose from. The diner is definitely on the higher end of the spectrum since it has a pretty good menu and the food actually does taste good. So the diner would probably be a good option but it can also be considered limited since it has set number of available options. So as students, we are manipulated sometimes to just settle for what food looks or sounds good.

I'm not trying to criticize the food here at Hamilton. I do sometimes actually like the food, but it's just that when you really look at it, the options are always limited. But it's understandable that at a school with a relatively small campus and population of students compared to other colleges and universities, we wouldn't really find it necessary to have 8 dining halls. Even if the food at both Commons and Mcewen isn't very good and you're not in the mood for diner, there's always the option of ordering out and even then there aren't that many restaurants around campus to choose from.

Manipulation In The Bunker

Although yesterday was by no means an average day, it was packed with manipulation. A few people have already touched on this in their posts, but I think there is a little more to say so I'll mention a few things... 

For one, it was fascinating to witness people's responses to the threats. I was locked among 80 others in the commons basement for 6 and a half hours, but I did not witness a single person cry. The most frazzled person I saw took laps around the cramped space and religiously got up and tried to hear the conversation the woman was having on the main commons telephone line whenever it rang. Mostly, people wanted to get the hell out of the basement- with no regard to what was happening outside. This could be interpreted as a way around the manipulation- the administration told us to stay locked in, but we said hell no and left anyway. (For the record I wasn't one of those that left... More on that later.) But were they really leaving at their own will? Or did the comfort of their dorms and the talk of their friends lead them to take a risk they would otherwise not have taken? Of course, in retrospect, there was no danger. But at the time, leaving a lockdown with a potential shooter walking around campus, is pretty dangerous. The police were sweeping the dark side, so yes, the light side was in theory void of danger- but, that also means no one was checking the light side for a shooter... And those that stayed, were they staying because they thought it was the best thing to do, or because they were being manipulated by fear of disobeying authority? 

Second, I found that a lot of people seemed to be inadvertently manipulating themselves to pass the time. I'd say at least 30% of the people stuck seemed to be enjoying themselves (myself included). Two friends and I befriended some strangers and played some trail bonding games and got to know each other really well (all the time texting everyone we knew making sure they were safe and telling our families not to worry.) We made jokes about how we were like from the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmit, "we met in and escaped the bunker!" I think we are all pretty good at distracting ourselves with television and entertainment, all in an attempt to avoid what is really happening. In fact, we all probably manipulate ourselves daily without even being fully aware of it. 

Make Tea for The Hounds of Hell

Just finished choosing courses for next semester, then spent a little more time replanning the courses for my Hamilton career.

2 labs and third term Japanese plus Socio for junior fall. Then there’ re bio-biochem, chem-biochem, linguistic analysis in anime and manga, psychology, genomes and another semester of physics. Bruh.

So, assuming work-studies and training remaining manageable, I can only wish to remain in one piece after getting a Biochem major and Japanese minor. Things wouldn’t have been this bad, to be honest, had I knocked down orgo and calc my freshman year. I think about that all the time you know. The hypotheticals. The could-haves, should-haves, would-haves. The easy road. The one where I didn’t spend weekend nights bunkering down in the library reading Buddhist scripts for Art History or re-watching Un Chien Andalou for Theories of Films. The one where I just stick to being the science kind of guy.

But then I wouldn’t have had no freaking clue of what to say when people start hammering questions about Buddhism. About why samurais and Zen could co-exist in feudal Japan. About why samurais withered but Zen evolved. About why dichotomy between avant-garde and commercial films exist and how useless it is to study each in isolation. I wouldn’t have had anything interesting to say to break the ice in awkward first encounters. I wouldn’t have had no experience performing under different modes of pressure.

So kill the Buddha, as one koan would often go, and make tea for the hounds of hell, as I would often say. Don’t have to if you don’t want to, really. It’s your choice. But you're already here at Hamilton, so as Will Ferrell has eloquently put it,

Enjoy spring while you still can.

The Future (UGGGG!)

I am one of the many who countlessly stresses about the future. Not just the next week, although thanks these so call “midtermish exams” that’s hell, but the real future. For example, what they hell am I going to do after college, what will be my career, will I get married and have kids etc. I feel this hovering pressure from the future constantly saying, “yo Kylie, get you shit together so you can be successful and happy.” What does that even mean? Is my life going to be measured in terms of how much money I make, or my general happiness, well no, but yes. Let me explain. I believe that we are all manipulated by the “American Dream.” We know what it means, that there is this path to infinite glory that we all have the potential to attain, but the problem is “this path” clearly indicated that there is only one path. We really have one/ no choice at all. We are pressured from parents, friends, and college, that in order to live a fulfilling life we need to have a good job, and be financially stable, of course that is important, but honestly that’s bull.  I feel that we have been trained and manipulated to believe that the American Dream revolves around money and power. So much of what I am deciding on what to major in is due to what will get me the best job in the future, not necessarily what I want to do. It is so hard to shake that pressure because it is so dominate. I just think people would be so much happier here and everywhere if they really started to find their own path and not the one we all so eagerly try to take, because for a lot of us that path only bring misery. Long story short, we all need to find what WE want to do and be the directors of our OWN lives.

Choosing classes for next semester

Choosing courses for next semester is a great example of how limited choice can be. I’m sitting here at my computer searching through the course catalog struggling to decide what to take. I only have to take one course for my major which most people would call a blessing, but I’ve found myself wishing I had more mandatory classes. I’ve found much of the course catalog to be uninspiring and part of me wishes I had someone to just tell me what to take. I’ve asked friends for suggestions and even had my parents look through the listings themselves. Even though there are dozens of departments with dozens of courses each, I don’t feel like I have many options. On the whole I can only take higher-level courses within my major. Many 200-level and above courses have prerequisites, which means I can only take courses in departments in which I’ve taken the introductory course. This forces me to find another department to focus on besides my major. Therefore should I be minoring? Minoring puts me on a predetermined track, which decides many of my classes for me. That’s what I was asking for earlier so maybe that’s a good thing. I started with a 200-level course this semester and I really enjoy it, but if I want to get the minor I need the intro-level course, which honestly does not excite me. Do I take a course I’m not that excited about to earn a seemingly arbitrary title or do I take another 200-level course that I think I will enjoy much more? Employers would like it if I had a minor, right? It shows focus, right? These are the questions that will continue to run through my mind for the next two days and I’m sure beyond. Right now I feel like I have huge choices to make and I won’t know if I made the right decisions until after the choices are made. This feels a lot like House of Danger. In the end does it really matter which choice I make?

Your Choice?

Similarly to Hiromi, I’ve felt a huge sense of manipulation in regards to housing for next year. Yes, we are given choice. Who do we want to room with? Light side or dark side? Choice.  But, all of these choices boil down to something that is out of our hands: our lottery number. Once that random number is assigned, our “choices” either plummet or soar. However, even then, you’re limited by what year you are. If you’re a rising sophomore with a good number, you’re still very limited simply because of how many years you’ve attended Hamilton. Our decision is based largely on factors that are completely out of our control, and we must simply make a choice given those restrictions. We’re also influenced by our friends, or by upperclassmen that insist that you’d never want to live there, and that you should definitely try to live here. Just when we think we know what we want, our opinions are swayed by what others are saying, where our friends are living, or maybe just by our number crushing any hope of what we thought we wanted. We have a choice, but once many of those choices have already been made for us.

Do we want the freedom of choice?

With the housing lottery and class registration right around the corner, the idea of choice and manipulation has been everywhere. As I was discussing the housing lottery with many different people there were many ideas going around. Many people complained about the system and wished there were a better system. People were talking about how other schools do it online as opposed to in person. A lot of people simply wanted to put down whom they wanted to room with and rank the buildings in order of where they wanted to live (similar to the first year housing lottery). Many people complained that they wish they had more options in the housing lottery yet the idea they came up with was letting the computer do the work. Many simply do not want to deal with the stress of making a choice.

            This is also similar to how registration manipulates us. Some classes are only offered at certain times or during certain semesters and many classes conflict with each other. We are also manipulated to choose classes from a set list.  At the same time, it also works out because I wouldn’t have been in this class if it weren’t for the manipulation of the registration system.

            Even yesterday with the bomb threat incident, people had the choice to obey the warnings to stay indoors or to go outside at your own risk. Many people chose to go outdoors because it was just too nice out. Whether this is smart or not, many people failed to be manipulated by the several warning after several hours. This one unknown person proposed a threat to our school and manipulated our ENTIRE day: classes were cancelled, exams were moved, and the whole day was discombobulated. Most of the time we are all indoors yet when we are told we have to stay indoors it is very different.

            In all these cases, we want the freedom of choice but we don’t really know what to do with it when we have the freedom. Often this freedom causes great stress amongst us students. Even when deciding what essay to choose, we struggle to come to a conclusion, but it is nice to simply have the ability to choose. Personally, I do admit that I complain when I don’t have the freedom to choose, but often times I do like when things are set and manipulated because I am an indecisive person. Although the examples I chose are extreme and not daily choices we make, I want to work on not being manipulated by daily things and act on my own choice.