Sleeping Is Giving In

So manipulation is a bad thing, right?  But only immoral people do that, right?  I had envisioned manipulation as something only Iagos did to Othellos.  So were my thoughts on the first days of class when thinking about manipulation.

If there's one thing this class has done well, it has made me more aware of manipulation.  Simply put, everything exerts some sort of manipulation on a person, including themselves.  It can be positive, or negative, incentivized by business (I'm looking at you fushigi ball) but I think at this point we can all define many influences exerted on us.  I don't think I really wanted to think about manipulation at first.  There's a popular ideal that there's one "true" you and you just are "yourself".  Enter the concept of manipulation.  That's honestly kind of scary for someone to think about, to actually think and define the forces in your life and then possibly discover something....ugly about what it does to you.  But instead of growing increasingly more and more cynical as time went on, I'm growing to accept it, to identify it, and to act upon it.  To quote Arcade Fire, (I'm taking such a cue from Emily right now) "Sleeping is giving in / no matter what the time is".  We can close our eyes to the manipulation around us and live our "true" selves, or acknowledge it.  Which is more rewarding?

Let's not try to figure out everything at once

Title from Fake Empire by The National... a song which only tenuously applies to this post, but is all about society, manipulation, and lies.
As far as a clear point of meaning to bring forth from everything we’ve talked about in class, the best way I can think to describe that which we’ve discussed is “everything around you and everything you believe is a little bit bullshit… and that’s maybe okay.” As much as we’ve discussed truth and manipulation in this course. we’ve also discussed the idea of telling a story, primarily through the role of authorship. Many of the characters we’ve seen, Jonah, Susan Barton, Timothy Treadwell, and Tim O’Brien, have been overwhelmingly concerned with the idea of telling their stories, making everything fit, and as they do this, they construct a web of not-quite truth and manipulation and as we’ve gotten further in class we’ve begun to note that, well, maybe we do the same. We change things to make them fit and choose the variation on “reality” we believe. It’s the only way we can make sense of ourselves and the world around us. As we all do this though and as all of life is perception, perhaps we have to admit that there is no truth. We can’t get anything down to more than an interpretation of a true essence because, well, that’s all there is. Our reality is a game of perception and because we can’t change this, I guess we just have to accept it… or chance the ideas in which we believe and accept those as true, continuing to lie to ourselves. I think this is also similar to our discussions of how we’re further manipulated in this course. As we discussed the constraints we all face through our society, through our community, through the academic system, we all noted that yeah, we’re manipulated at every turn… but we don’t try to flee it… because we can’t do that either. A good example of this is within the “option” to post this week. The fact of the matter is whether you post or don’t post, no matter your thought out reasoning, you’re still being manipulated and your decision is a result of this… so we accept it. We haven’t stopped lying to ourselves or accepting manipulation, but maybe we’re a bit more conscious of it than before.

Oh, also, I was going to post about home this week, but this ended up being more topical... If you want to read something about Indiana and how your perceptions conflict with some big realities about where I grew up, well, I'll make the google doc public and you can read about it here! (Just as a fun teaser- no, I'm not from a small country town, not really; I didn't have drive your tractor to school day, but lots of people do [I thought that was a thing everywhere...]; Yes, it snows there, but we don't have hills. Basically at all. Really.)- https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rUP1EsD8h0iJAivHlFwqjRnwP3iIMjjGLZ70jykxcB0/edit?usp=sharing

Coming Together

Most of the time I leave class exhausted from attempting to keep up with all of your brilliant minds, and trying to come up with something substantial to say that is worth hearing.  I think that’s great, and I honestly struggled to come up with a concluding thought that could sum up all we have discussed.  Trying to come up with something that culminates it all is really overwhelming.  But that is partly the point.  All the ideas, although related, can expand in infinite directions, applicable to essentially everything.

Over the past few weeks my classes have been coming together in the sense that what we learn about connects to topics discussed in other classes.  This was really exciting—getting to experience that moment when it all starts to click.  What I am learning is literally explaining my world to me—or helping me make my own sense of it.  I don’t think it is ever possible to reach full understanding, but thinking about what is around me more critically makes life more interesting.

Thanks everyone for an amazing semester!

Purpose of Lies> Lies Themselves

One idea I thought of during our revision class was what is the most important aspect of a lie? Is it the lie it self? Is it who is lying and to whom? This class made me believe that most important aspect of a lie is its purpose. The lie itself does not matter and the people you are lying to are irrelevant. The purpose behind the lie is the most crucial element. In the various texts we read this semester, characters, authors, and actors all lied to us or themselves for some kind of greater good. Tim O'Brien wrote lies in order to cope with his feelings from Vietnam. The San Lorenzos lied to themselves in order to be happy and "live in a perfect world." Susan lied to herself to give herself power. Leonard lied to himself (and to the audience) for revenge and to be able to control his life in the tiniest way possible. In all of these situations, the lies that the characters told were irrelevant to the cause. Each individual had a purpose for their lies, and whether or not it was moral, it (in their eyes) improved their lives.
One take home message I took from this class is that we will always be manipulated. The important thing is to acknowledge when and how we are being manipulated, and be aware that manipulation is taking place. Whether we are manipulated by others or by ourselves, actively knowing gives us power over the manipulator. What we choose to do afterwards, be manipulated or prevent it, is up to us. But having the power to decide is what is most important.

Lie to Yourself, Not to Others

If the only effect of a few small lies is my increased happiness, then I see no problem in utilizing these "foma." As long as I am not affecting others, either directly or indirectly, then constructing a small, happier reality does not seem unhealthy. Obviously, I would not want to get lost in this new reality, and be unable to return to my original state, where I had tasks to complete, and connections with others to uphold.

Does the same hold true when we are lying to others to preserve their happiness? If I deem the truth harmful in a situation, can I simply withhold it? At first, I didn't see any problem with this. It is similar to withholding the truth from myself. I am maintaining the happiness of others by creating a reality in which unnecessarily truths do not exist. After a little more consideration, I realized that this is not at all fair. We each have the right to determine how much, or how little, of the truth we want to accept. I cannot make that decision for others. In Cat's Cradle, the Books of Bokonon were available to everyone, but they were never forced upon anyone. If you wanted to use the foma to better your life, you had the power to make that decision. Constructing someone else's reality for them leaves them with no choice. They are unaware that they are being lied to, and are unable to deconstruct this new reality if they so choose. You can only make the decision to accept foma into your own way of life.

I Don't Have Any Answers, But I Don't Think That Matters

I remember the first day, when Janelle read us her biography and we guessed what was real and what she made up, and I remember telling everyone how much I loved that later at dinner. I remember how she, even on that first day, was talking about how we didn't have to do something if we thought it was stupid or useless, we just had to argue against it. No one had ever said that to me before, and it was incredible. See, I hate rules (doesn't everybody, though?). Not every rule, but the ones that I just don't understand why I have to follow them. So usually I just shrug, and do what I want, and rarely get in trouble because I'm quiet and unassuming. And everyone rolls their eyes at me, calls me a "secret rebel," and continues following rules they don't really like but feel like they have to obey. But now I guess I feel differently--a little justified, a little more discerning in which rules I should follow and which I should ignore, and why I'm choosing to do so.

I think I feel differently about a lot of things after taking this class. I mean, every class we have is a mindfuck, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned anything from it. It also doesn't mean I've learned anything absolute. I'm still full of questions about lying and manipulation, and I like that. I like being confused, even though I probably shouldn't. But straightforward is boring. it's too easy, and I want everything to be complicated--it's more fun that way. That's how i feel about this class, and my life in general.

I'm still thinking about what the truth means. Is it okay to change the "happening-truth" into "story-truth", if it makes someone feel better, like in Cat's Cradle, if it makes someone feel a certain emotion, like in The Things They Carried? What is the truth: what you feel or what really happened? What happens when the truth in your head doesn't match up with reality, like in Memento? Is it better to lie to yourself in order to be happy with the life you've constructed or tell yourself the truth and get sad when you realize your own issues, like Timothy Treadwell? I still have no idea what I think, at least most of the time. But at least I'm thinking about it, and trying to figure out what my opinion on truth vs. lies is. Maybe this class manipulated me into that, but in this case it's a positive manipulation.

That's another thing I've gotten out of this class--a better idea of the various ways I'm being manipulated. This class has taught me that everyone lies and everyone uses manipulation to their own advantage and everyone is manipulated by the world around them. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's nice to be conscious of the various forces working to manipulate me. I'm not opposed to manipulation; I really like clever ads that get me to buy their products, or ad campaigns that work to sell me a lifestyle instead of a clothing brand. I'm not even opposed to the way other people manipulate me, such as the way we present our lives as positive narratives (see: Rich's post about his life being like a sitcom). It's more entertaining and far more complex than being honest all the time; it makes things interesting. That being said, I want to be able to see through other people's manipulations when I need to, and act accordingly, and I think I'm getting better at it because of this class.

That's all I've got, except a Seinfeld quote from George Costanza that I've been wanting to work into a blog post since the beginning of this course: "Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."

Truth Lies and Inception

To be honest, this class reminds me of the movie inception. In order to fully appreciate the movie you need to watch it more than once. The first time you watch it, it’s confusing, and you are left wondering how everything you just saw works together. Each time you see it you catch something that you didn’t notice or understand before. However, no matter how many times you watch it, or how much you think you understand, you still leave the movie feeling like you need to let your head rest for a while. This is exactly how I feel after each and every English class. Just when I think I am grasping onto a concept, we move “deeper into the dream”. The idea gets more profound, and I find myself dumbfounded all over again. The common, yet complex ideas we discuss in class make me rethink the way I view the world around me. I have become aware of the manipulation that surrounds me everyday, and it is interesting to think that all these years I have either not noticed, or chose to ignore such manipulation. In class, we bring each idea around, only to make it more intricate (never making a full circle). Truth Lies and Literature has made me realize that it isn’t necessarily the most complex topics that can be so profound, rather the simplest ones that you delve the deepest into. 

A Goodbye Blog Post

It seems like just yesterday that we were signing up for courses. I remember not knowing anything about this course and solely choosing it because it was writing intensive and when looking at the reading list, I knew I liked Vonnegut and I had been wanting to read The Things They Carried. I had no idea that this course would be what it is, and the course description does not do this class justice....though I am not sure a course description could. But I feel very lucky to have stumbled upon this, and that this has been my first experience with english classes at Hamilton. I owe this a lot to Janelle for captaining our ship but also to the rest of the class for sailing it. I will miss the unique dynamic of our class and insightful and hilarious discussions. I actually will miss blogging and the enjoyment of reading other's posts and seeing what people had to say about my thoughts.

So as I fondly reflect over this semester and think about what I have learned, the ways my perspective has changed, and how I have grown as a student, I think my main takeaway from this class is to take risks, and be confident in taking those risks. There are risks to telling the truth, and there are risks to telling lies. There are risks to being manipulated, and there are risks to manipulating. But being confident in what we do is all that we can ask for. It is up to each individual to determine their own learning path, and whether we travel along it by manipulating others or being perfectly honest, does not matter. All that matters is that we strive to take our learning process into our own hands and be confident in the risks and choices we make along the way.

So I leave with one last quote that I saw when watching How I Met Your Mother to procrastinate finals studying: "A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth"- Barney Stinson

It's been real.

I'm pretty sure I said I was going to post this at the beginning of the semester, but never got around to it. Anyway, it was written on the wall of a really gross bathroom in a train station. I thought it was hilarious and I hope you guys do too!

Truth Lies in Literature

For the first few weeks of taking this course, my friend Sami was convinced that I was taking a class called "Truth Lies in Literature" as opposed to the phonetically similar "Truth, Lies and Literature." But after reaching the end of this course I think that I can safely say that Sami is right--truth does lie in literature (not in the sense that truth is geographically situated in literature but that it actually lies to us). In almost every text we have studied, the truth has manipulated us, made us buy into a "truth" that isn't actually very true at all. What each work has showed us this semester is that there is always a "story-truth" and a "happening-truth" and, even more important, is that the the relative truth of either one is irrelevant. Although we may never be able to tell for sure what is the "real truth" in any story, we make whichever truth we choose to believe in "real" simply by believing in it. Ultimately, truth--or the pursuit of truth--is manipulative; it is confusing and abstract, misleading and frustrating, but it is also rewarding. Truth does not have to mean just one thing, but it can be interpreted in the way that its audience (or its manipulator) needs it to be in that immediate moment--and it is precisely this ability to be manipulated that gives truth its potency; it is precisely this ability that explains why so much truth lies in literature.

Do what you want……….. oh no, not like that.

Today in class, I asked Professor Schwartz whether we had to blog this week or not and her response was “sure.” I have been so accustomed to people telling me that I have to do something a certain way by a certain date that when she said ‘sure’, I responded ‘ so does that mean yes? or no?” In all honesty, and as she clearly pointed out- I have no reason to ask her that question. I am grading my participation in the blog and whether I do or do not blog is my decision. This, however, is a clear example of how manipulated we have been in this course. But, that being said, the manipulation has actually helped me. I was so manipulated that I was given the opportunity to challenge a Professor (something I would have never dreamed of doing), I have the chance to make my own decisions whether I did or did not do a piece of work, and I chose my own grade for this blog participation. I have been so manipulated that I now truly understand the “so what?” to most of the work I did in this class.

While filling out the teacher evaluations for this class, it seemed a lot more difficult than the others because I know that I was being manipulated by the questions they were asking me. This evaluation is supposed to be my own opinion of this class, my opinion of the professor, and what I have taken from this class. “Effort and engagement” for this class is definitely different for the effort and engagement for another course. If I were to write that I walked into my professors office and told her that I didn’t agree with something she said or were annoyed by something that happened in class, that wouldn’t be considered positive engagement. Similarly, the effort put into this class is often reflected in our blog posts that are also our own responsibility. No one is checking to make sure that the qualities of the posts meet certain standards because frankly, there aren’t any concrete standards that we have been given to follow.

At the end of this semester, I can safely say that this course has been ‘effective’ (to use the evaluation terminology). However, I think this course has been effective in different ways for different students in the class. Whereas in calculus where it is effective if you find the derivative or limit of something, this class is what you make of it and it is effective only if you let it be. We have all manipulated this course just as much as it has manipulated us. From this course I can safely say that I have not only gained a new outlook and approach to literature and film, but to daily interactions and my own self-satisfaction. This course has pointed out things totally confusing and outstanding like stories within stories etc but has also pointed out things that are so obvious we take them for granted.

While this class has been nothing like any of my other educational experiences, I believe that what it has done for me goes way beyond the Truth, Lies and Literature.

But, maybe Schwartz has just manipulated me into believing that? Who knows…

Can I Lie to Myself?

One of the main focal points of this class is the power of lies and how lies can promote happiness in people.  I have been raised thinking that lies are these horrible things that you never want to be around or say.  I have always tried to be very honest to other people and with myself.  I now wonder if it is okay to lie to myself for my own good.  I still do not think it is okay to lie to other people, but does it matter if you lie to yourself?  A lot of the characters we have evaluated in this class lie to give themselves happiness and it seems like it works for them.  My favorite example is O’Brien because he seems the most realistic to me.  He is lying about the death of his friends to make himself happy and I see that happiness in him when I read The Things They Carried. 

I wonder if I could lie to myself to make me happy.  I do not think I could accept those lies no matter how hard I tried.  O’Brien knows he is lying to himself, but he continues to do it because he wants happiness.  O’Brien sees happiness as an end result and the way he achieves happiness does not bother him.  For me I do not think the ends justify the means.  I could not lie to myself just to create my own happiness because I think there are different forms of happiness.  Lying to yourself about happiness is like cheating to me.  You may have the same result, but the way you got the result is very different.  Happiness is not just the end result to me, but the journey to reach that feeling.  Lying is the easy way to find happiness.  I understand why people do it, but I just cannot see myself doing it.  I will do my best to be honest with myself and find happiness that way.

He Wants To Be Happy

My post last week was before I saw the last half of the movie and everything I said in that post looks pretty dumb right now.  I talked about the value of truth and how Leonard lives his life off of the truth, which provides him with happiness.  I found it interesting how this movie went against everything we learned in this class.  Now after watching the end of the movie it seemed all of that was wrong.  Leonard was living off of these lies to give him happiness.  We saw at the end of the movie that he had a tattoo saying “I’ve Done It”, which means he killed the man that raped and murdered his wife.  However, in that same scene we see his wife, which means his wife never died.  This is very confusing and the truth is lost in the scene.  There is also a scene directly before the flash of Leonard and his wife, when Leonard is with Teddy.  Leonard writes Teddy’s license plate number down to give himself another clue.  Leonard seemed to reach a dead end, so he found a way to keep going.  He made up these lies to give himself happiness.  The only way Leonard can be happy is if he keeps killing people that he believed killed his wife.  While, what Leonard is doing is very bad (killing people) he is still finding happiness.  Looking at the big picture this movie shows the power of lies and how they give people happiness, which ties into everything we have looked at in this class.

An Unsatisfying Conclusion

I love figuring out the end of movies before they happen. Piecing together subtle plot details is what keeps me interested. Similarly, I enjoy television shows like CSI, NCIS, Bones, etc. Mystery intrigues me. I love to recognize facts that others tend to miss. For me, there is nothing better than watching a confusing movie and assembling all of the disparate pieces before the director wants me to. For this reason I found Memento both brilliant and infuriating.

The last few scenes of Memento caught me by surprise, but in doing so, brought the entire movie together. That is, if I believe Teddy. However, after being manipulated for the entirety of the film, and being repeatedly told not to believe Teddy’s lies, how can I let myself trust what he says? It bothers me that by the end of the movie I am still left with a number of unanswered questions. Do I trust Teddy and appreciate the complex manipulation that is occurring from every character, or do I trust Leonard who either thinks, or convinces himself that Teddy is lying? The movie was brilliant because it was intellectually challenging, and it was infuriating because I couldn’t figure it out.

Memento is different than what I am used to seeing in other movies. It doesn’t tie every little detail together in the end, or answer all of the questions brought up in the film. The director makes it impossible to not question yourself. Switching back and forth in time, and contradicting facts, made me feel like Leonard: always questioning reality and separating fact from fiction. Because of the strategic setup, you can never truly have satisfying answers. Everything we are presented with can be undermined in some way, so we are only left with the ability to make assumptions. I think this setup made the movie interesting, but also frustrating because it did not follow the pattern I am used to seeing in most movies: a satisfying conclusion.