I remember the first day, when Janelle read us her biography and we guessed what was real and what she made up, and I remember telling everyone how much I loved that later at dinner. I remember how she, even on that first day, was talking about how we didn't have to do something if we thought it was stupid or useless, we just had to argue against it. No one had ever said that to me before, and it was incredible. See, I hate rules (doesn't everybody, though?). Not every rule, but the ones that I just don't understand why I have to follow them. So usually I just shrug, and do what I want, and rarely get in trouble because I'm quiet and unassuming. And everyone rolls their eyes at me, calls me a "secret rebel," and continues following rules they don't really like but feel like they have to obey. But now I guess I feel differently--a little justified, a little more discerning in which rules I should follow and which I should ignore, and why I'm choosing to do so.
I think I feel differently about a lot of things after taking this class. I mean, every class we have is a mindfuck, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned anything from it. It also doesn't mean I've learned anything absolute. I'm still full of questions about lying and manipulation, and I like that. I like being confused, even though I probably shouldn't. But straightforward is boring. it's too easy, and I want everything to be complicated--it's more fun that way. That's how i feel about this class, and my life in general.
I'm still thinking about what the truth means. Is it okay to change the "happening-truth" into "story-truth", if it makes someone feel better, like in Cat's Cradle, if it makes someone feel a certain emotion, like in The Things They Carried? What is the truth: what you feel or what really happened? What happens when the truth in your head doesn't match up with reality, like in Memento? Is it better to lie to yourself in order to be happy with the life you've constructed or tell yourself the truth and get sad when you realize your own issues, like Timothy Treadwell? I still have no idea what I think, at least most of the time. But at least I'm thinking about it, and trying to figure out what my opinion on truth vs. lies is. Maybe this class manipulated me into that, but in this case it's a positive manipulation.
That's another thing I've gotten out of this class--a better idea of the various ways I'm being manipulated. This class has taught me that everyone lies and everyone uses manipulation to their own advantage and everyone is manipulated by the world around them. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's nice to be conscious of the various forces working to manipulate me. I'm not opposed to manipulation; I really like clever ads that get me to buy their products, or ad campaigns that work to sell me a lifestyle instead of a clothing brand. I'm not even opposed to the way other people manipulate me, such as the way we present our lives as positive narratives (see: Rich's post about his life being like a sitcom). It's more entertaining and far more complex than being honest all the time; it makes things interesting. That being said, I want to be able to see through other people's manipulations when I need to, and act accordingly, and I think I'm getting better at it because of this class.
That's all I've got, except a Seinfeld quote from George Costanza that I've been wanting to work into a blog post since the beginning of this course: "Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."
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