A lil bit of Me

         I was reading through the blog posts and I noticed that tonight's common theme was manipulation. I realized that that's probably what I should be writing on then too, but then I realized that I am letting myself be manipulated by assignments about manipulation (meta much?). I especially enjoyed Kylie's post on manipulation in women's fitness and how being "fit" is in itself a manipulative tool used to categorize people by health and beauty. On Saturday, I got my haircut--trivial, I know--but it wasn't trivial to me. This is about to get a little deep and personal, but I have come to terms with my past problems and am very much okay with sharing them (obviously, hello internet).
           During my senior year, I suffered from an eating disorder. It wasn't a very obvious one and although I did lose weight, it wasn't as noticeable as some eating disorders. I looked like a healthy 18-year-old who wasn't super skinny, but also not overweight. But I was binge eating and bulimic. When I finally decided to tell a close friend of mine about my problems, her response was: "But you don't look any different, otherwise I would have noticed." (She also showed concern and was very supportive, don't worry). Looking back, this is a very odd response. Society has manipulated us to think that if you have an eating disorder, you will look very thin. In some cases this is true, but not in all of them. I was sick, but no one would have guessed it was an eating disorder because I had not dropped three pant sizes. How does the hair tie into this? Well, I used my hair as a shield of sorts to hide my body. It wasn't so much that I was ashamed of how I looked, more that food and my weight were two things that I could control during a time when I felt like I had very little control over everything else.
        I am now healthy. On Saturday, I got my haircut because I no longer feel the need to hide. I miss my long hair, but the loss of 12 inches means I will not be wasting my money on shampoo and conditioner!