I've got the power

I've thought long and hard about what I would write about in this week's blog. I've gone back and forth about what personal things I'm willing to disclose about myself, and which things I would rather no one ever knew. The truth is, there are far too many sources of manipulation in each of our lives to count, whether we realize it or not. My dilemma is that these influences have sent me to places I hope never to go back to. After contemplating what these issues might all have in common, I have come to the conclusion that I am my own worst enemy. The one source of manipulation in my life to which nothing else compares is my own self-critic. I am constantly thinking about how to reach my full potential. I am always searching for that moment where everything feels like it's fallen into place - the perfect balance. There is a constant desire for being physically, emotionally, academically, and socially stable. Whenever some of these things are going well and not others, I feel that void much stronger than anything else. As much as I am well aware that there is no such thing as perfection, there is such a thing in my mind as the best possible version of myself, which somehow feels more attainable. I sometimes wonder if what I am doing is a waste of time, or if I'm doing myself a disservice when making some decision or another. That is precisely what is holding me back.