Monday, May 5, 2014
Finals Suck
As the last few weeks start wrapping up the school year, I find myself aware of all the ways in which I manipulate myself everyday. Similarly to Meredyth, it often involves attitude, but it's also in the little things I do to stay on top of things. It's as if I have to babysit myself in order to do all the things I'm supposed to do. (…supposed to do… that sounds like a questionable motive) For example, I have been writing myself lists every day, but these lists often consist of pleasant things that I was likely to do anyway so that I feel accomplished when crossing them off. If I write something like "eat an orange" or "call your mother back" next to things like "read chapter 7" and "prepare your presentation", I feel a greater satisfaction at having checked off three of these four things, even if one of them was to get my vitamin C. I also use particular language when writing these lists, like "start your final paper" instead of "final paper". That way, if I have written at least a thesis, I can cross it off! This sounds like a counterproductive way of doing things, but I find that I accomplish way more when I don't look at a list that screams "YOU LITERALLY HAVE SO MUCH WORK WHAT ARE YOU DOING". I also use reward mechanisms like allowing myself to eat a piece of chocolate or work on the crossword for each increment of homework. I am aware that that's pretty sad, but I really do like crossword puzzles. In any case, I've found that manipulation is not all external, much of it is within each of our own minds.
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This post TOTALLY resonated with me-- I write lists too! I write lists when I am stressed or bored or procrastinating all of the work that I write on the lists. The troubling thing is, I usually write so many lists that I never get to the end of one. Why do we feel so good crossing anything off of a list, or crossing off the days of the calendar? I guess it makes the time fly by faster or something, I'm not really sure. The one type of list that I find most helpful is writing down all of my fears, especially the ones I would never say out loud. And then I rip up the list into little pieces and move on with my day. I'm starting to feel like I should rip up some of my finals to-do lists too! I suppose the thing to remember is that we can't really get all we want done in any given day or week or semester. But that is alright and acceptable. We can only do so much.
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